It’s been a very, very long time since my last blog post. Every January for the past 4 years, when Jof asks me if I want to keep this blog or let it go, meaning not renew the annual subscription, I always find myself saying no. I love to write and there are times when I do like sharing my thoughts, and I just find comfort knowing that I have this. I have wrote/typed quite a few drafts since I had Theo, but when I think of a time to hop on here and actually post a blog, something always comes up, #momlife. And that’s my priority now. I mean, it’s been like that since Alex, but two kids – it’s a whole different story. But I love it! I love it more than anything!
Okay, so how did I find time to write this? It’s 10:15pm on a Friday, Jof is working, the boys are in bed and I just started the laundry and the dishwasher. Basically, I’m on wait mode – waiting for the hubs to get home, waiting for laundry to finish, waiting for the dishwasher to finish. And I’ve run out of things to watch on Netflix. So I’m here! And since Mother’s Day is coming up, I wanted to get a few words on here about my being a mommy. First, I just want to say that I am a believer of celebrating your loved ones every day – one reason why I don’t really go along with a bunch of hashtags on Instagram, like #husbandappreciationday or #nationalicecreamday, haha. I think I’m just getting old and old-fashioned. Also, I even thought of just posting an old draft talking a little bit about motherhood, but then I thought, why not share what’s on my mind NOW.
Just recently, I’ve had a lot of “what if’s” on my mind. I’m not going to go into detail about them but they made me question my worth at one point. But then when I looked at my kids, that doubt in my mind just became a stupid thought. For me, THAT is how powerful motherhood is. My Alex and Theo, they tire me endlessly throughout the day, but they are my strength. They make me mad, upset, annoyed, but because of them I’m learning more about patience and understanding. They make me worry about the smallest things and they may have very well given me countless of heart attacks already by causing all kinds of trouble (i.e. Theo stuffed Cheerios deep inside each nostrils), but all these just make me love them even more! There are no words that can come close to describe how much I love my boys. No words. I admit, being a mommy is a tough job; it’s full time job. We may not always have a good day, but we always go to bed with our routine warm hugs and yummy yummy kisses. At the end of the day, whatever lingering “what if’s” I may have in my mind, I know that at the sight of my babies, I’ve found myself.